10 things to ask your child, other than ‘how was your day?’

  
Emma’s school is small. It’s more like an extended family for us and we often get updates throughout the day of what they’ve been up to, what they learnt or experienced. Like last week, on our whatsapp group we were sent pictures of a fish being dissected and a message:

this week in biology we dissected a fish (I’m sparing you the gory pics), learned the names and functions of all its body parts, found babies in its tummy and learned that toothpaste is the only thing helps your hands smell better afterwards      

And we had a few photos

So when I collected Emma that afternoon and asked how her day was I was expecting an animated monologue of stinky hands, how toothpaste makes hands smell fresh, baby fish and barf sounds. The  whole kaboodle. But all I got was “good”. Did you learn lots of new things? “yes”.

I remember reading an article about the types of questions to ask your child to get a conversation going and so did a quick ‘ask the google’ and found this helpful article

Below are some focused attempts at getting your child to share their day with you, as opposed to grunts and groans

Primary Montessori: (ages 3-5)

What is something that went really well today?

What is something that was challenging today?

What was really fun today?

What new thing did you try today?

How did you help a friend today? …How do you think they felt after you helped?

How did you take care of your classroom today?… What if no one helped take care of the classroom?

Did you read a book today? What was it about?

How are you feeling right now? …What else?….What else?…What else?

Did you need help with something today? How did you solve it?

What did you eat for snack/lunch? Was anything particularly delicious?

5 bonus questions for Elementary (6-9)
What project are you working on now? 

How do you feel about your progress? (reflection, evaluation)

How were you kind to your classmates today? (reflection, evaluation, empathy)

Tell me an amazing thing you learned today. Is it a fact or an opinion? (application, reflection)

Is there something that you said or did that you would take back now? What would you do instead? (empathy, evaluation, problem solving)

How is your guide / directress feeling today? (encourages conversation, listening, and empathy)

I was recently introduced to a self esteem facilitator through a friend. And of course it turned out that the universe threw Claire in my path just at the right time.

I am at an all time low. Physically I hate what I look like. Emotionally I hate where I am. Financially. Let’s just say when I try draw money from the ATM it laughs at me. And all my negative feelings are affecting the way I interact with Emma and Ben. But especially Emma.

I know that, without saying a word,  I’m sending her unhealthy messages about body image and confidence. I know I’m effecting the way she sees herself and affecting the way she interacts with others. For the first time ever Emma hasn’t been wanting to go to school. And on Wednesday she decided she needed a sick day. After some probing it turns out one of the kids is teasing her and calling her ‘fat’.

Enter Claire. Claire is a self esteem facilitator who works with teachers & parents to increase awareness of self- esteem issues and their impact in the classroom and family, and to develop practical and creative tools to build self-esteem in children.

We live in a world which is often negative and critical, pointing us to take note of our faults and inadequacies, and evaluating our value and worth based on our behaviour.

Our self-esteem determines how we feel about ourselves, and this has a ripple effect into every part of our lives. Healthy self-esteem enables us to love and believe in ourselves as whole, unique and authentic, regardless of the opinions of others.

Unfortunately, the world we live in doesn’t always support our belief in our self-esteem. We live in a world which is often negative and critical, pointing us to take note of our faults and inadequacies, and evaluating our value and worth based on our behaviour. By learning about self-esteem, and integrating this into the way we live and raise our children, we have an opportunity to alert them to the ways in which they are good enough.

Claire, with the parents, facilitate children to focus on the positive aspects of themselves, rather than the negative; on their strengths, talents and positive qualities, rather than their mistakes and weaknesses. With her workshop children learn to treat themselves in a way that says “I matter”, and to believe that they are equally deserving of love, happiness, success and abundance.

A lesson I could do with about now.

Emma and I have made an appointment and I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. But if you’d like to find out more about one one one sessions with Claire in the meantime, or get more information about her upcoming introductory workshop pop her a mail.

Seven!

I can’t sleep. I’ve been wrapping some presents for Emma because she turns  is seven! Where has the time gone Emma? How did I go from lying with you on my chest to now lying in your arms? Where have the minutes gone, where I’ve sat listening to ‘incy wincy spider’ to now hearing about your day at school, listening to you talk about ‘when you were younger’?

My heart aches for the little soul who needed me just a little while ago, but it beats with excitement as I think about all you are going to do, see, achieve, experience.

You are everything I wished for myself to be. You are brave and funny and smart. You love people, and people love you. You are sensitive and kind and aware and empathetic. You know when to talk and when to give a big Emma squeeze. You ‘get’ people on a very different level. You are curious and I swear your memory is like that of an elephant. You dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and your imaginary friends are as hilarious as you.

As a seven year old you can be moody and over sensitive. You want attention but don’t always know how to ask for it. You get angry quickly and can be as stubborn as all hell me, and I shudder to think about you in your teenage years.

Emma, you are my prayer answered. You are my proof that miracles do happen and that angels walk among us. You are my reason for trying to do better, be better, to just be. I am who I am because of you. Because of your love and patience I am a better version of myself.

Happy birthday my baby girl xxx

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Social Etikid

I’ve been wondering whether I should write about this for a while because it’s something that’s been on my mind, but I imagine it’s a sensitive subject.

I did think it was unique to me and that I was the only person affected but then I saw a friend on Facebook,  Georgina, doing an article for a well known magazine about play dates (good and bad experiences) and it brought back fresh memories and a very recent incident.

Over the (very) long school holidays I had, on any given day, 2 – 5 kids at the house. Some days were easier than others but overall, I felt like I was in hell. We do have a helper but she’s not great with children and I think they sense it. Ben torments her and Emma, well, Emma just pretty much ignores her. So it’s up to me to stop Ben and his pal spray painting their scooters silver and I need to make sure that when they’re ‘gardening’ a fork isn’t going in anyone’s foot.

I do have my little tribe of fellow moms, who support one another, physically (holding the champagne glass for us while we sip gulp because we’re too tired to), emotionally (sharing their prescribed happy tabs when we’ve run out) and spiritually (literally, with spirits, found at in the alcohol aisles at most stores) and during the holidays we reciprocated with play dates, outings or a few hours off for each other.

Ben’s best buddy, Kopsi, is ALWAYS at our house. He is the unofficial 3 child. BUT Ben and Emma are often at his house. And if I’m popping out with my kids I happily take Kopsi along, because in a day or two I know his mom or dad will pop their head over the wall, letting me know they’re taking Emma and Ben for an hour or two. So there for me is a situation that benefits everyone. Kopsi’s mom has a new baba and on various occasions she’s mentioned how much we’ve helped by keeping him busy or letting him have a bath and supper at our house. And I am eternally grateful for the few hours of peace and quiet I get while my kids are at her house.

And then I’ve got Tammy. An angel disguised as a mom. Ben and Emma LOVE Tammy. Like love love her. Emma asked me the one day that, if I die, could Tammy be her mom, and I said sure. A few minutes later Emma asked when do I think I’d be dying…I know, without a doubt, I can give Tammy a shout and if she’s around she’ll take my kids for an afternoon, and I hope she knows I’ll do the same. We meet at the park for little impromptu picnics and often pop out with all our brood.

But what got me seeing red, during the school holidays, was the amount of money I spent on other people’s kids. And not my little tribe’s children. More like random friends that we see occasionally. On days play dates had been arranged, I would mention to the mom that we’d be popping out for a milkshake or an ice cream, making sure they’re happy with me transporting their children around, as well as knowing where we are. If a big outing was planned (like movies or roller skating) I’d mention it to the mom too. Again so they were in the loop and for them to (hopefully) ask whether they should send any money along. But none did. Not one. And I don’t mean the ones where we were getting an ice cream. I can spare R10 or R20. But roller skating, that’s a little different (for me, anyway, at the moment). It’s R100 per kid, excluding water or a snack or popping into Mike’s Kitchen next door, and after three or four visits, at R300 – R400 a time, I’ve reached my limit (money and generosity wise).

I get that if I’m choosing to take your child out then I should pay, but when you’ve asked if your child can come over for the day because you’re at work, and I mention I have plans to take my children somewhere, surely you offer to leave R50 or R100 for any costs. Surely?

I’m not sure what the accepted etiquette is around this. Am I unreasonable and a cheap skate? Or is this how things work. And don’t even get me started with RSVP’s to parties…