I hate Valentine’s Day. I hate it more than the cheesy teddy bears hugging gawdy hearts, the revolting home made chocolate and the red carnations the fundraising committees sold at school.
The pressure started way back then already. When prefects would walk from class to class handing out these ‘treats’ to the pretty and popular kids in the school.
They would walk around at break time looking like vendors at a crappy carnival in some hick town, making sure the misfits and the misfitted knew just how much we sucked. Reading out the anonymous love notes over and over, gloating in their pimply perfection.
Oh, I got a card once. Sneakily snuck into my school bag. With excitement I opened it up, wondering if it was from the captain of the cricket team or maybe the boy I’d secretly had a major crush on for like, a whole term. Praying it wouldn’t be from one of my geeky counterparts who I spent break time with in the toilets, dodging tennis balls and nasty taunts.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Dolly Parton’s got big knockers
But not as big as you
After that I got a few cards. From my mom. Left on my pillow. Signed ‘love mom’. Very much appreciated but definitely not the same thing.
At least back then it was a day. But now I see some bright spark has turned it into Valentine’s month! Narcissistic a-hole! So I’ve got two options; spend a month avoiding love songs, the colour red, heart shaped chocolates and ‘zom-rom-coms’ OR I can celebrate the wonderfulness of me.
I’m choosing the latter and falling in love with myself all over again.
Here’s 28 reasons I think I’m pretty darn fabulous!
I’ve got one of a kind cute pixie ears
I’m the funniest person I know
I don’t narrate during movies
I’m a cheap date
I can touch my toes with my boobs WITHOUT bending over
I throw a kickass party
I’m a good mom. Most days
I make a mean bowl of cereal
I’m consistently messy
I’m a good mom. Most days
I’ve got gorgeous long piano playing fingers. Though I don’t play the piano
I’m fun to be with. Or at least that’s what the voices in my head tell me
I don’t make a sound when drinking a slush puppy
I pull funny faces at the drop of a hat
I’ve got a party trick that includes chocolate, my teeth and a big grin
I’m lovable. Most days
I’m fairly cool in my own way
I can make funny faces with my stretch marks
I’m low maintenance
I’ve found my happy place in the world
I’m a kickass standup comedian in our lounge
I’ve never needed someone to complete me
I’ve got a cute dimple and a sweet smile
I’ve got an awesome collection of handbags
I laugh at myself. A lot
I’m kind. Most days
I’m generous. Most days
But most of all I’ve learnt to love my flaws