I’ve got so much crap going on at the moment. Each day is a conscious decision to get out of bed and face the challenges ahead. Anything over and above what’s on my plate is a burden I don’t need. Like annulling my previous marriage. Which ended 15 years ago.
My ex husband contacted me via email a few months back explaining that his wife, who’s Catholic, would like to start taking communion again but because she’s married to a divorcee, can’t. In order for her to do this we need to annul our marriage, not legally but in the eyes of the Catholic Church.
At first I was fine with the request but then as I gave it more thought the more pissed off I got and I was sad. We had dated for about six years and were married for four. He had been with me through a lot. Graduating from varsity, starting my very first job, losing a grandparent, buying our first house together, selling it, moving into our dream home and then selling that. Not really a big deal but I’m been asked to erase an entire chapter of my life. A chapter that was significant and contributed to the person I am today.
Then he emailed and asked if I had a copy of our marriage certificate. I didn’t. I don’t. So he asked me to go to home affairs to get a copy. And the bitch in me stepped up. I was fine to do this if it wasn’t going to inconvenience me. But going to home affairs to get anything is an inconvenience and so I responded telling him that if he wants the annulment, then he can get the certificate.
I didn’t hear from him again until last night. The Catholic Tribunal wanted to know if I had been baptized and if I had a copy of that document. I responded saying I had been christened and confirmed in a Methodist church but I didn’t have the papers and I wasn’t going to be bugging my mom or going to home affairs to get them.
Today I get a call from the (Catholic) Tribunal asking (again) whether I have been baptized. And whether I’m happy to be a part of the annulment. “As long as it’s not an inconvenience for me.” I said. “That’s not particularly helpful” says she. “My marriage to XXX seems to be inconvenient to everyone involved and I’m a little over this.”
What I don’t get. And forgive me for this. I feel like the process is steeped in hypocrisy. If we pretend it didn’t happen then you can be a part of the church.
And I feel judged. If I agree to be a part of the process I will be interviewed and asked about my upbringing and my childhood, my marriage (that in a short while will not have apparently happened) and the reasons my marriage (that didn’t happen) didn’t work.
Maybe the tribunal caught me on a bad day but I really don’t see how signing a piece of paper or turning around anti clockwise while wearing a clown nose declaring ‘it didn’t happen it didn’t happen it didn’t happen’ pardons one of being a part of a previous (inconvenient) marriage.