I’ve got so much crap going on at the moment. Each day is a conscious decision to get out of bed and face the challenges ahead. Anything over and above what’s on my plate is a burden I don’t need. Like annulling my previous marriage. Which ended 15 years ago.

My ex husband contacted me via email a few months back explaining that his wife, who’s Catholic, would like to start taking communion again but because she’s married to a divorcee, can’t. In order for her to do this we need to annul our marriage, not legally but in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

At first I was fine with the request but then as I gave it more thought the more pissed off I got and I was sad. We had dated for about six years and were married for four. He had been with me through a lot. Graduating from varsity, starting my very first job, losing a grandparent, buying our first house together, selling it, moving into our dream home and then selling that. Not really a big deal but I’m been asked to erase an entire chapter of my life. A chapter that was significant and contributed to the person I am today.

Then he emailed and asked if I had a copy of our marriage certificate. I didn’t. I don’t. So he asked me to go to home affairs to get a copy. And the bitch in me stepped up. I was fine to do this if it wasn’t going to inconvenience me. But going to home affairs to get anything is an inconvenience and so I responded telling him that if he wants the annulment, then he can get the certificate.

I didn’t hear from him again until last night.  The Catholic Tribunal wanted to know if I had been baptized and if I had a copy of that document. I responded saying I had been christened and confirmed in a Methodist church but I didn’t have the papers and I wasn’t going to be bugging my mom or going to home affairs to get them.

Today I get a call from the (Catholic) Tribunal asking (again) whether I have been baptized. And whether I’m happy to be a part of the annulment. “As long as it’s not an inconvenience for me.” I said. “That’s not particularly helpful” says she. “My marriage to XXX seems to be inconvenient to everyone involved and I’m a little over this.”

What I don’t get. And forgive me for this. I feel like the process is steeped in hypocrisy. If we pretend it didn’t happen then you can be a part of the church.

And I feel judged. If I agree to be a part of the process I will be interviewed and asked about my upbringing and my childhood, my marriage (that in a short while will not have apparently happened) and the reasons my marriage (that didn’t happen) didn’t work.

Maybe the tribunal caught me on a bad day but I really don’t see how signing a piece of paper or turning around anti clockwise while wearing a clown nose declaring ‘it didn’t happen it didn’t happen it didn’t happen’ pardons one of being a part of a previous (inconvenient) marriage.

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2 thoughts on “Marriage. An inconvenient truth

  1. No, no, no! No ways would I do that. Why annul? Does it mean it never existed? That’s plain and simply just a lie. She chose to marry him, fully knowing he was divorced. How can you now erase history? Total nonsense. I love God and Jesus but churches seem to sometimes get to the wrong side of me.

  2. Yeah. That’s the beauty (and irony) of organized religion. Where’s the accountability and responsibility that comes with choice, if you can “rub it out” and pretend it never happened?

    Convenient for some, for sure 🙂

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