So here’s a question, and it’s a strange one, especially cos it’s with regards to my black child. And we all know black children don’t suffer from disorders or illnesses but rather amafufunyana.


Ben hates noise. Except when he’s making it. We have to race through through fridge sections of woolworths and other stores because of the noise they make. He’ll complain his blanket stinks or that there’s a horrible smell in the house. It does and there is, but never so bad for it to be commented on. 
Looking at symptoms of some disorders, like sensory processing disorder, there’s a lot I can definitely say no to but then there are a few where I have to nod in quiet agreement. Ben’s mood can go from shiny happy to out of this world ‘moerrig’. This morning we had a 45 minute meltdown because, um, it was because, I can’t even remember. But I certainly can’t forget the temper tantrum that carried on and on and on and on. 
Then this afternoon, he walked into the house happy as Larry, from school, laughing, playing, and then BAM! Just like that there was crying and screaming and hitting because Emma went to the neighbour’s house in front of Ben. Ben wanted to be first. The triggers are so small, the effects enormous and it just leaves everyone feeling exhausted, helpless and irritated. 
We try placate where we can. So if Emma jumped out the bath before him and he’s yelling blue murder we ask Emma to jump back in so he can be ‘first’ to get out. But it’s not fair on her. Nine times out of ten Emma’s behavior is angelic (or as close as damn it) yet Ben gets all the attention. 

Has anyone got some suggestions? Is there a possibility that Ben has some kind of a disorder, is he just kak naughty or has he been amafufunyana‘d?
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6 thoughts on “Disorder or just kak naughty?

  1. How old is Ben? Can he express his emotions well? I recall you said his speech is great but can he express his emotions? Does this happens when he is tired? My boy 2yr 4 months cannot express himself let alone his feelings he gets super angry if we do not get what he wants his whole body shakes and his hands are little fists. You get wall charts that shows emotions and stamps a friend of mine tells her boy to run around the block or house to get rid of the anger. Me thinks he gets so befok he cannot express the emotion maybe a bit of naughty. But you are his momma bear you know best a few simple questions to explain certain emotions may render my comment just plain crap!

  2. Hi There, Would he sit through a Movie, if so, perhaps take him to see Inside Out. Its currently on circuit at the moment. Its about your Emotions! Perhaps it will help he learn to express his feelings in a positive or negative way, by verbalizing instead of a Meltdown!. Its worth a try…albeit potentially a shot in the dark.
    Cheers….Jacintha

  3. Between the ages of 2 and 5, my daughter was WILDLY uncontrollable and set off on the most horrible tantrums – they could last HOURS. For about a year during that period, we simply didn't go anywhere we didn't absolutely HAVE TO go because she would ruin it. And the trigger could be anything from the way her brother was breathing (yes, really!) to the fact that she had to have her hair brushed or her bum wiped. Today, she's a school leader, in the process of writing her first book at age 13.
    There is nothing wrong with your son. xx

  4. I don't know the answer Melinda. Jack and Kiara both have sensory issues.

    Kiara's is now under control but they do still rear their ugly head when she is overwhelmed or feels like she has no control.

    We are knee deep in it with Jack. This week has been tough.

    Despite many assessments neither of them have officially been diagnosed but the fact that Kiara still can not wear her winter school uniform or that she can only wear one set of pjs at the age of 11 is enough for me to believe it is more than just a stage.

    There is a book “How to raise your spirited child” – it was the one book that helped me to deal with Kiara and subsequently deal with Jack. It teaches you about the triggers in your child, how to notice them and how to deal with them.

  5. Honestly I do not know the answer but like Laura I can possibly write a book about maybes. Reading “The out of sync child” made many things click about L and yes, today we know that he does not have “just” SPD but it did help.

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