“You seriously let your child, at 4 years old when they are putting any and everything in their mouths, bath with you while you’re on your period? I can think of nothing more disgusting for that poor child you are abusing.

And at 4 she should be bathing ALONE – letting kids bath with you is wrong on so many levels and you are exposing your kid to the idea that it is perfectly fine for adults and children to be naked together. Shame on you.” ANONYMOUS

I’ve given ‘anon’s’ comment a lot of thought, which I probably shouldn’t, but as a parent to be accused of abusing my child because I bath with her while I have a period, is difficult to ignore. And as much as I’d like ‘anon’ to be out of sight, out of mind, like a tampon, I find myself rereading the comment over and over again.

So this is what I’ve come up with. Firstly I don’t think ‘anon’ is a woman. Most women would know that bathing while menstruating is not equivalent to the Battle of Blood River. Blood does not pour from a vagina while in the bath. It is not a reenactment from a Jaws movie. I’m also guessing ‘anon’ thinks our blood is blue, like in the adverts for sanitary towels.
I also don’t think ‘anon’ is a parent. Most parents know that by the age of four kids aren’t putting everything and anything in their mouths. Even as a baby Emma didn’t do it, teething or not. 
What I do think is ‘anon’ is a very repressed person who was obviously given a lot of the wrong messages growing up. To think nudity with your child is wrong, to think a menstrual cycle is ‘dirty’ and to accuse me rather harshly of abusing my child is more of a reflection on ‘anon’ than it is of me. 
I went through various emotions while reading the comment. For a moment I doubted myself. I thought what if I am damaging my child with such a thoughtless act. I wondered whether I was some kind of a weirdo that I love bath time with my four year old. I got angry that someone who doesn’t know me would make such a strong judgement and would go so far as to accuse me of child abuse. I was pissed off that a stranger would take such an innocent situation and turn it into something filthy. And then I felt sad. 
I felt sad that this was ‘anon’s’ experience. I felt empty for a person who has obviously never enjoyed the small pleasures that having children holds. Like bath time, cuddle time and play time. Just last night I had finished reading Emma her bedtime stories. We had negotiated two. I ended up reading four. Afterwards Emma settled on the pillow and asked me to tickle her back, which I did. After a while she rolled over and asked me to tickle her tummy. I did that too. And as she was falling asleep I kissed her on her forehead, her cheeks and her lips. When I stopped she said ‘more momma’. And so I carried on. Kiss after kiss after kiss. And I thought what would ‘anon’ say about this? Me lying in bed, smothering my child with kisses. 
Surely ‘anon’ would have a field day with it. And maybe I am wrong to be so ‘touchy-feely’ with my children but I also know the time will come, far too soon, that Emma will not want to talk to me about anything, let alone be a captive audience in the bath. I know that soon my kisses and huge displays of affection will be ‘gross’ and that I’ll need to back off but until such time, things will carry in as they always have in our house. 
My children will never doubt my love for them. They will never have to think back to THAT time I said ‘I love you’. I often hear people say that they think their parents love them or that their parents could have loved them more. I’m still to hear someone say ‘I was loved too much!’
So dear ‘anon’ I ask that in future your criticism be based on fact, not on a second hand, rather macabre version of what a period is. I would also suggest that when leaving comments such as the one you did, you grow a pair and actually include your name. It shows a certain kind of maturity, which clearly you lack. If the way in which I raise MY children offends you then please feel free to NOT read my blog. My accounts here are based on precious moments with my family and I don’t need them sullied by narrow-minded, sad, never-got-to-bath-with-my-own-mother people such as yourself…
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37 thoughts on “Bath-gate

  1. There CAN NOT be too much affection. No way is anything that you have described here inappropriate and I know only too well what you mean when you talk about how soon our littlies won't want these shows of affection anymore.
    Shame on Anonymous!!

  2. Excellently written. I agree that ANON has obviously had a sad childhood and we can only feel a bit sorry for him/her. Here here to co-bathing and also to showering our children with love!

  3. Madness! You showed restraint, Melinda. I would have called Anon all sorts of dirty names. Nicely written piece in response to a stupidly written comment.

  4. I use to bath with my mom and my almost 3 year old daughter still baths with me. Even though i am with her the whole day, bath time is our special time, when we get time to relax and chat and i get to smother her in kisses while she lays in my arm.
    Tonight i sneaked an alone bath because she had one this morning and while topping up my water she came rushing in – “mommy mommy i am going to bath with you!” I said no i'm going to bath on my own, you already had a bath and she gave me a sulky face and said ” i never got to bath with you last night” Soo…. in she went! I'll never dream of not bathing with her as long as she wants to. They grow up to fast! And i wasn't abused because i bathed with my mother, it was our special time together.

    I think ANON might be a woman but one that grew up without knowing unconditional love.

    Melinda! Go ahead and love your children to death, they will thank you one day. You are a great mom.

  5. Well said! I completely agree! No child is loved too much and bath time is a special time and NO ONE can actually judge! This 'anon' person (if we can call him/her a person) doesn't have a clue!

    Keep on with the great blog!

  6. You are reaching your child that being naked with an adult is perfectly fine. How would you like it if that person was a teachers or babysitter? You are also teaching your child that privacy is non-existent.

    You are a terrible example and should not be allowed near children. PS: I am a woman and would NEVER allow a CHILD in the bath with me while on my period – not top mention the fact that choosing to bath instead of shower while on your period is highly disgusting and entirely unsanitary. No wonder you had to adopt – God would never allow you to ha have children naturally because you are an abusive and disgusting example.

    When your daughter grows up without self-respect then you'll be blaming everyone but yourself.

  7. OMG how narrow-minded is that person!! TG she's not my mother, and hopefully has nothing to do with my kids!!
    Anyhoo, think you should just delete that comment, there's little time in this world for such hate!

    As for you, enjoy every moment, they're only little for such a short time. I think you're amazing, and are such an incredible mom.

  8. Really, Anon? After all the supportive comments you still choose to attack only Melinda? You can't be taken seriously. I am sorry you see something lovely and normal as disgusting and abusive. If you have kids one day, I hope you will not be too scared to show them love in case they may feel it was abuse.

  9. Now that I have that out of my system, I loved your post! I am also so aware that soon they will not want to cuddle as much, will be embarrassed by us, and will just keep pulling away from us. It makes me sad, so I am storing up as much cuddle time as I can. My child will also never doubt how much we love her. She knows now. I also love our bath times, playing tea party with foam, and sometimes just chatting about our day. I love cuddling at bedtime, as we read stories and giggle, and I love watching her fall asleep.
    (The comments from Anon are really immature as you said, and not to be taken seriously. If they are indeed genuine beliefs, then I do feel sorry for the fact she will surely miss out on something special one day, but I suspect this is not the case, just someone looking for a reaction)

  10. Anonymous, you are not only stupid but also illogical. Your argument is full of holes. Get over yourself, find a nice safe cult to join and stay away from normal, loving mommies with happy functional kids. You can only taint their environment with your poison.

  11. Anonymous.

    First of all GROW A PAIR OF BALLS A SHOW YOURSELF.

    Melinda is Emma's MOTHER. She is teaching (with a “t”, not at “r”) her daughter that being open with HER MOTHER is important for her development and understanding of her own body. She is not getting naked with a STRANGER. She is bonding with HER MOTHER.

    YOU are a terrible example of a human being. The fact that you have admitted that you are a woman is probably the most revolting thing that I have read to date. I hope TO GOD that you are never blessed with a child. Not naturally, adoptive or otherwise.

    If “God” had to hear what you are saying to Melinda, one of the most incredible people on this planet, he would disown you. YOU are a pathetic, cowardly and sick human being who has NO idea what it is to be a parent.

    Stay under your bridge, Troll. People like you deserve to live in damp, dark crevices where the rest of us are not exposed to your internal and external ugliness.

  12. Reenactment from Jaws. That made me giggle. Melinda, one of the best memories I have of being a little girl is bathing with my mom. Keep it up! That bonding is special. X

  13. Anonymous
    You are truly a nasty and vindictive piece of work. If you do have children I really feel bad for them having to grow up in such a repressed home. Don't project your 'mommy issues' onto a perfectly well balanced, open parent. You clearly weren't hugged enough as a child. If Melinda's parenting style offends you so greatly, then get.off.the.blog. You obviously have your own guilt about something, shame on YOU for projecting YOUR issues behind your cowardly 'anonymous' account.
    And as for your comments about God, no God would stand for such hateful and hurtful words.
    I hope you and your monstrously unhygienic periods have many lonely showers together, while the rest of us go about bonding with our children.

  14. Hi anon!

    The best mothers have emotional intelligence, which Melinda has in abundance. An intelligent, nurturing mother would never intentionally do anything to harm her own child. Surely you can appreciate that. Surely you are able to show some tact and respect other people's boundaries and decisions?

    Are you aware how babies are conceived (naked people) and how they are mostly born (naked babies, vaginas and blood) and how we feed our babies (sometimes naked babies, naked breasts) It's all terribly horrific. Why, it's probably scared your prudish self to celibacy.

    Please don't have children and expose them to your cold, dead heart.

    Regards, future children everywhere.

  15. Firstly WELL SAID Melinda, beautifully written and Lee, you were brilliant too

    I have a son and we bathed together till he was WELL passed the age of 3! Sitting in the bath blowing the biggest bubble we can is a memory that I will always have in my heart – it fills me with joy and love every time I think of it. I can never hug, cuddle, love and adore my child enough. In fact my 9 year old son is sleeping in the bed next to me, his hand holding my arm. I know that you will find this utterly shocking but under my PJs im NOT *GASP* wearing a bra!

    All of us as GOOD loving caring parents do teach our children about acceptable appropriate behaviour from adults. We teach them the difference between right and wrong, pity you don't know what is acceptable and appropriate.

    That you cower behind being anonymous just shows how small you really are both in mind and spirit. That you would think god would allow mean malicious behaviour to others shows what a sad small loveless troll you really are.

    Go back under your bridge into the dark, presumably that's the reason you have no love in your heart. I feel sad for you .. sad to think that someone's heart and mind are so broken and filled with dark issues, that they can't feel the love, warmth and joy that all of us mothers here feel EACH AND EVERY DAY of our lives with our children … we are truly truly blessed.

    I am sorry for you …

  16. Dear Melinda,

    I won't address Anonymous again, because they're clearly a coward who likes to hide behind a word they probably wouldn't be able to spell, but can use here as it auto-completes when you type a comment anonymously. I don't speak to cowards.

    Melinda, you are a brave, incredible mother. And yeah, maybe you couldn't have children the “usual way”, so the Universe gave them to you another way – because you were created and destined to be a mother. And not just any mother. You are an outstanding, wise and loving mother, and Emma and Ben are richer beings for it.

    Don't ever doubt that. Not even when silly asswipes like this come trolling along and hide behind their 'beliefs' or other such kak. THEY have issues, YOU have love. Shame for them.

    X

  17. Dear Anon
    The message you are sending your children (if you have any) is to be ashamed of their bodies. It is also creating abnormal curiosity for body parts, which could develop into other problems. My daughter bathes with both me and my husband…and will continue to do so until she asks not too. The human body is the most beautiful thing God has ever given us. I am proud of my body and will ensure that my daughter is too. I do believe that your opinion is that of an attention seeker cause, seriously, no normal Mom would think this way.

  18. So well said – you go girl. Anon is clearly a damaged person and doesn't understand much – feel sorry for him too (sure it is a him as I can't believe a woman wouldn't get this…) I have 2 year old twins – girl and a boy and I plan on bathing with them for as long as they want me to. Nudity is nothing to be ashamed of and I hope to be whipping off my clothes and taking skinny dips with them too in the sea, rivers and dams as well at whatever age lol! And I kiss them constantly and tell them I love them every chance I get…there can never be too much love!

  19. OMW Anon!! You are so mean spirited! How dare you even play the God card? Melinda has so much love to give and will never never do anything intentional to hurt her children. I hope to have the same bond with my Emma she has with her Emma.

    I am not religious (thanks to people like you) but as far as I know, God is a God of love!! Most woman can give birth to a child, but that does not make them a mother!

    I really hope you change you point of view before you even consider having / adopting a child, as you will quickly learn that it is not strict rules, expensive toys and preconceived ideas that makes you a good mother, but love and time spend with your child, whether it is having a bath together or kicking a ball on the lawn.

    Enjoy bathing with Emma as long as you can Melinda, before you know it she will be a teenager requesting that you drop her off two blocks away from school!

    Coco

  20. Dear Melinda,

    Dont let anybody tell you how to raise your children, they yours and your little girl is lucky to have you! My daughter and me still bath together and she's four we play bath toys and write on the bath and share precious mom and daughter moments.

    Unfortunately you cant cure “stupid” so dont let it get you down:)

  21. Dear Melinda

    I think you have written a well worded, well thought out reply, far better than I would have and far better than Anonymous deserves. Well done!

    What a repressed, narrow minded, insecure and cowardly person Anonymous must be. Probably due to a lack of love and skin on skin contact as a baby and small child. So sad that they can't see the beauty of of your relationship with your children. Their loss. But really it makes you wonder why they were reading your blog in the first place.

    Sending you lots of love and respect for you, your love for your children and your blog.

  22. P.S. there was a study a few years ago that linked parents' involvement at bath times to confidence in later life. Your children should abound in confidence 🙂

  23. Hey Melinda

    I've watched my fair share of Mentalist, CSI and Elementary and I'm going to put all that time to a good use. Profiling our “Beloved Anonymous”

    She's obviously a woman, probably over 35. She's got serious self image issues, overweight and perhaps some halitosis. I'm going to throw in acne scars as well. She's not hideous looking but not attractive.

    She's definitely single and childless and lives with her divorced aunt. She plays FarmVille constantly and annoys her Facebook “friends” with invites.

    She is desperately lonely and seeks attention. She trolls cyberspace and enjoys all the “time” her posts give her. She is a coward and would never have the backbone to say something in”real life” to someone, hence she posts under Anonymous. She comes from a loveless broken home and can't for a moment imagine the love between a mother and child because sadly she didn't have it growing up.

    Also she has thin mouse brown hair.

    And most of all- we don't like her one bit. As for you- keep rocking this mommy thing!!

  24. Oh I love this! Not so sure about the divorced aunt but I would throw in overly spolied cats. Well said! Melinda, we all know the mom you are. Do not back down one minute

  25. I can't believe this woman is still at it. How twisted is her mind and why the hell is she reading you if she is so vindictive and mean. Then she tops it all by playing the God card. What does she believe He would think of her lack of love and judgemental words. I haven't been reading you for long but your blog posts speak of so much love that I can “feel” it. You are a wonderful mommy.

  26. Dear Anon, it is people like you who make the rest of us lock our children away as you obviously have a sick and perverted mind. Your comments reflect that you are just another oxygen thieve. When I read this blog I see a woman who loves her children, let us remember that in the time before rampant pedophilia this would never have even been a discussion. As you have clearly committed defermation of character against Melinda, I must ask and no offence but are you a child abuser, please note this is a question and not a statement.

  27. I'm not sure what was more fun…..reading anon's ridiculous letter or all the fabulous replies !

    This is why more people like you (Melinda) should raise children….to even out/over rule the sad/unloved/insecure/sheltered ones who weren't lucky enough to be loved openly and completely!

    xxxxxxx

  28. First up – make an input screen by the “reply as” button, so that it need not be a mission to have your name displayed. Anon is easier, which is why I have used it. Anyway, my name is Grant Callaway, but I am not the same “anon” as previous!

    Secondly – the rude responses from “anon” should make it clear that the person is a troll. These are not genuine opinions – they are words designed to provoke a reaction. Learn what trolls are, people, and learn to ignore them.

    Lastly (and I respond to this because I have seen the argument raised before) – if being naked wih your child teaches them that it is okay to be naked with other adults, then surely driving them to school teaches them that it is okay to accept lifts from strangers, and kissing your husband in front of them teaches them that it is okay for you to kiss ANY man. You cant just live day to day and expect your child to pick everything up…some things have have to specifically teach! Look both ways before you cross the road. Never talk to strangers. If somebody touches your privates, you come tell me – no matter what they say! It's the difference between parenting and child neglect.

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