Moms are always on their guard, making sure they respond appropriately to demanding toddlers and kids.

But what if we could turn off our politically correct switch every once in a while and leave our restraint at the door?

I’m not your friend anymore? Perfect! I already know too many self centered people with limited vocabulary. Another one is one too many

You’re running away from home? Again! Well here’s a suitcase with your clothes and your favourite teddy bear. As soon as you’re out the door we’re moving and not leaving a forwarding address

You don’t want your supper? Who cares! Get scurvy

You wanna go live at Lisa’s house cos her mommy’s nicer than me? Sure, see my response to you running away from home above

Listen here you little pipsqueak I’m the adult. You’re the ankle biter with limited logic, vocab and brain development. You will do as I say when I say it!

I’m gonna plug that cry-hole with cement…

Oops, sorry. Didn’t drink my cup of care today

Don’t go to bed. You can see what sleep deprivation really feels like

If you don’t look after your toys I’m gonna drop them off at the orphanage. And I might just leave you there too

Oh you wish you were adopted? Me too

You want? I want a young hot stud and a Ferrari but it doesn’t look like that’s happening either

Nope. Still haven’t had my cup of care

Tell your daddy! And while you’re at it tell him I’ve packed my bags and am on my way to Alaska

Yes Lisa’s mom is nicer than me. But then again Lisa’s nicer than you

You’re not talking to me? Go ahead and make my day

Yes life’s unfair and it only gets worse

Don’t be scared of the bogey man. I’m a lot scarier

Sadly, for both of us, I am your mother

Money does grow on a tree. I suggest you start walking now to find it

Nope. Still haven’t had my cup of care but have had a mug of I don’t give a sh*t


2 thoughts on “What moms would say…if they weren’t going to be reported to social services

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