Sunday was a major #mommyfail day for me. It probably started on Saturday night when Emma only went to sleep at 12 Aye Em! No, it started on Saturday afternoon when Emma only had her nap at 5pm and woke up at 7pm.

Ok, who am I kidding? Most days are #mommyfail days, with varying degrees of failure.

But back to Sunday. After waking up at 8am, after only getting to sleep at 12am, Emma was bright eyed and bushy tailed. Surprisingly so. Eerily so. But at Max’s party Emma ‘let go’ and threw a temper tantrum of note. She made Rosemary’s child look like Super Nanny’s star pupil.

She screamed. She cried. She sobbed. She fought. Nothing I did worked. Nothing I didn’t do didn’t work either. I tried to talk to her but that fueled it. I walked away and she cried even louder.

I’m not sure if Emma learnt anything at Sci Bono but she taught us a few things.
1. Temper tantrums look much better on other people’s kids
2. Tantrums, like zits, pop up out of nowhere
3. Nothing is a better contraceptive than a kid that’s lost his / her sh*t

Once I had made my apologies all round, gotten those sympathetic looks from friends, disapproving ones from strangers and ‘thank f*ck that’s not me’ from everyone within 20km’s, I loaded my hiccuping little girl and baby Ben in the car, reversed and got the heck outta there as quickly as I could.

Emma was exhausted. A tantrum like THAT takes it out of the tantrumer you know. But she still asked if we were going to Thabani. Just smile and nod, nose and smile. I really thought she’d pass out but no, she stayed awake to make sure we were going to Thabani. And by the time we got there he must have seen the crazed ‘help me dear God, or Thabani, or anyone else’ look in my eyes, cos he took Emma straight away and called for Sheila to take Ben from me.

I sat sipping on a coffee, thinking, thinking, sipping, etc. And then my train of thinking about nothing was derailed with Sheila standing in front of me. “Ben needs a new nappy” she said, handing my smelly bundle of happiness to me. Off we went, Ben and I, Emma quite happy with T man.

If you know Serendipity then you know the lay out of the loo. There’s a changing area, where baby is hip high, if you’re standing, head high if you’re sitting. I took off Ben’s dirty nappy, threw it in the bin and then sat down on the loo to have a quick wee. Ben was lying on the changing mat, safe, nappy and care free.

I was having a little woe wee woe is me moment, with head placed dramatically in hands, when I felt a small sprinkle on my head. Slowly lifting my head I looked up and there was Ben, mid pee.

So Emma had pee’d on my parade and there was Ben, peeing on my head!

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2 thoughts on “Pissing on my Parade

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