Yup. Those are the words a grown woman said to her friend as I kissed and cuddled Emma.
We were in the queue to get a few snacks for movies and Emma was saying thanks to me for the movie tickets, the cold drink and popcorn.

“This is gonna be so much fun hey Mamma?” she said as she gave me a squeeze. “And when the movie’s finished we can get a big balloon! I’ll buy you one too!” she said, with the generosity only a kid without money can have.

And then she grabbed my hanging cheeks and said “I wanna give you a big kiss!” Which she did. Over and over again. “Mwah Mwah Mwah Mwah!” And I kissed her right back, thrilled that she was so excited that an outing with me is such adventure for her.

And then it all came to end. The woman behind me said to her friend, loud enough to let me know she didn’t care whether I heard or not, “How do you kiss THAT?” My heart stopped. My blood started boiling and I could feel the anger rising. And as much I’d like to say I had a smart witty retort that put her in her place I didn’t. As the adult in Emma’s life I’m constantly checking that the way I react to situations is a positive example for her. And I don’t always know what that example should be.

So I stood there with Emma in my arms, hurt, angry, sad and once again doubting myself. Wouldn’t Emma’s life have been easier without having a white mom and dad? She’s going to face enough hardships and challenges. Did I have to add to them? Was I just selfish, wanting to be a mom, not thinking about the consequences for Emma and now Ben?

And now while I sit writing this, I’m sad that I’ve put Emma in this position and I’m angry that people think they have the right to be so hurtful and heartless. What makes me even more upset, I realize, is that while I doubt myself and my motives for having Ben and Emma in my life, this woman probably hasn’t given us a second thought. She’s probably forgotten the awful thing she said and is either unaware of the impact it has had or is just too stupid to care.

I’m sad and I’m angry. I’m sad that without knowing me or Emma she made a judgement call like that. I’m angry that I allowed her comment to hurt me like that.

I’m sad that there are still such ignorant people in the world and I’m angry that I let her remark ruin my entire day. She isn’t worth the energy I wasted.


7 thoughts on “How do you kiss THAT?

  1. That!!! REALLY!!! Mel, please post the follow up to this post saying you are joking and just made this up. 😦 😦

    It's 2012, seriously calling another human being that.

    So sorry you have to deal with ignorant people but the picture says it all. Is there a cure for ignorance?

  2. I'm so sorry you had to have an encounter with a living brain donor. As my 8-year-old son said when someone did something really stupid on Saturday: “Mummy, I think that man must have lost his mind.” The shame is on that woman for being so ignorant and racist that she can't see anything beyond her prejudice. She failed to see the loving relationship between a mother and her child. Just hold onto the fact that you have a fabulous relationship with Emma and she is a delightful child. That woman is in a prison of her own hatred while you and Emma and Ben and your DH are free to love and enjoy your lives. You are the richer and she is soooooo much the poorer.

  3. I can not believe what I have just read! I don't comment often but this post made my heart break. Do not doubt yourself. You and Emma are a blessing for one another, do not let ignorant stupid people taint this blessing!

  4. I was in Fourways on the weekend of the 8 Sept and I am pretty sure I saw you playing with Emma and Ben outside a toy shop. If it was you (and well even if it wasn't) you all looked so happy as a family. You chose to love these two gorgeous little people and colour has nothing to do with it. Emma loves you and you love her. People are just blinded by their own stupidity and prejudices.

  5. I know people, who know people – if you know what I mean. This makes me mad and sad at the same time. Sorry you had to go through this, and well done for not breaking this lady's neck in front of Emma. You did good.

  6. This makes me so incredibly angry on the one hand, and so incredibly sad on the other. How can she imagine not loving a child that is as much yours as any other child is to someone else. HOw can she not see how adorable and cute Emma is? How can she not see the very obvious love you share?

    Just a stupid woman.

  7. You did well ignoring her -I am sitting here fuming and trying to think of all the cut throat most sarcastic comebacks I can come up with. Ignorant fool that woman (that's the polite version)

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