The Olympics are done and dusted. Gold, silver and bronze medals have been handed out to the best of the best and there’s four years of training and preparation before the next one.

These elite sportsmen, women and ‘woah is that a man’ (as in the shot put woman from Belarus) ate in peak physical condition BUT I wonder how they would manage as parents. Would they still be standing on the podium, medal around neck, bouquet of flowers in hand if they were moms and dads of babies, toddlers, tweens and teens? I think not!

It also got me thinking about the categories and awards that would be handed out at a mommy (and daddy) Olympics. As I sit, tapping my already one over-developed calf, bouncing baby to sleep, there’s a few I can think of already.

Weightlifting – this is for all the moms carrying a toddler around that weighs as much as they do. Whereas in the world of sport there’s a few seconds needed of holding the weights in order to win, moms are expected to carry aforementioned toddler through malls, zoos, up hills and mountains for hours on end.

Shot put – this could also be called ‘sh*t put’, the delicate skill of tossing a very sh*tty nappy into the bin from a distance. Getting it in means victory. Missing the target is disasterous.

Egg and spoon race – though not quite an Olympic sport, this ‘kid’s game’ takes endurance, skill, dexterity, speed and accuracy. It can also be called ‘broccoli and spoon race’, ‘mixed veg and spoon race’ or ‘cauliflower and spoon race’. The aim is to get content on spoon into mouth of running toddler. It involves hurdling over furniture items, running at a fair speed and teaching toddler without spilling what’s on the spoon.

Athletics – this could be a single event or a variety of athletic skills rolled into one, depending on the age of the child and the situation. There’s the hurdle should you need to get to a toddler about to fall off a table. There’s the long jump which is necessary when trying to prevent toddler from climbing onto table. The sprint is required for quick spurts of speed to reach toddler in record time and there’s the marathon which comes into play when trying to catch a toddler determined to get away from you. These can be duathlons, triathlons or pentathlons. In serious situations you might need a relay partner to reach your goal.

Gymnastics – flexibility, upper arm strength and balance are essential when grabbing toddler from falling down stairs, hills, tables, burglar bars, roofs or out of car windows. This also comes in handy at play parks when parents are asked instructed to swing on monkey bars, ascend climbing walls, summit rope walls, balance across ledges and bridges. Ideally you should have a stupid grin on your face the entire time.

Synchronized swimming and diving – again two activities rolled into one as you stylishly dive into the pool to reach toddler who has fallen in. If the contestant is an amateur then it becomes the belly flop.

Though not expected to be medal winning athletes, moms and dads are required to be able to ride horses, play tennis, hockey, table tennis, basketball, netball, soccer, swim, do karate and any other activity toddler, tween or teen decide they want to do.

Lesser known but just as important are the bake offs, the complete school assignment in record time, the climbing up and down stairs to get toddler to bed, the dash out the house in pyjamas at midnight to pick up teen from a party, the stare down, the wrestle a tantrumming toddler, the juggling baby, bottle, pacifier and leg jiggle and the death defying mom-career woman- cook-teacher-negotiator-entertainer-toy finder-up all night-all rounder.

So moms and dads around the world, I consider you all gold medal winners. You set the standard of what a peak performing athlete should be. And where Olympians have rest days and teams of helpers, you do this 24/7, either alone of with a very small team.

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Medals for Moms – 10 olympic events just for us


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