A is for angel…you can’t get cross or frustrated or annoyed with me. I’m an angel and I can prove this cos I hear you telling everyone just that

B is for butt…my brother’s a butthead, my sister’s a buttface, your breath smells like a butt (Butt is also interchangeable with ‘Poop’ or ‘Poopie’)

C is for cry…what I do best. Cry when I’m hungry. Cry when I’m tired. Cry when I have to go to bed. Cry when I have to eat veggies. Cry when buttface gets a toy I want. Cry when butthead won’t let me watch my favourite TV show


D is for doodoo…you say doodoo, I say sleep. You say doodoo I say poo. No wonder things get lost in translation


E is for ever and ever…that’s how long I’ll love you until I turn 13
F is farts…mine, yours, grandpa’s and granny’s. They always crack me up


G is for grandparents…grammy, granny, gran, granddad, grandpa! Whatever you call them they’re wrinkly and squishy and always have presents hidden somewhere


H is for holes…if there’s a hole it needs to be filled. A nose hole, an ear hole, a belly button hole


I is for I (the pronoun)…I want, I need, I must have, I like…


J is for jelly…jelly and custard, jelly bowls, jelly sweets, my mom’s jelly arms and jelly tummy


K is for know it all…yes at this tender age I already know it all


L is for lullaby…those songs you (try) sing me to sleep with. Off key and out of tune isn’t going to work. Save it for the shower


M is for me and mine…similar to the pronoun ‘I’. If I see it it’s mine. If I like it it’s mine. If it’s in area anywhere near me it belongs to me


N is for no…no I will not go to bed. No I will not share. No I will not eat broccoli. No I don’t want to listen to you right now


O is for ‘oh no!’…what mom or dad normally say when I’m caught in the middle of something! ‘Oh no! What are you doing?’ ‘Oh no! I hope that’s not permanent ink!’


P is for poop and pee…the more the better


Q is for quite quiet…never completely but sometimes quite quiet. And then you’d better worry (often followed by ‘Oh no!’)


R is for rules…that have no other use than to be thrown out the window


S is for smile…THAT smile that melts your heart quicker than global warming can melt an iceberg


T is for tantrum…boy oh boy I know how to throw them at the flip of a switch, the click of a finger or a shake of a head


U is for unconditional love…the kind of love you get from me no matter how much you scream and shout, get cross or sad with me


V is for vomit…projectile is best but any kind of vomit gets a great reaction from you


W is for why…why does my willy stick out and my sister’s doesn’t? Why does daddy have two beards? Why can you say ‘sh#t’ and I can’t?


X is for…xis for…my vocab doesn’t stretch that far


Y is for youth…its on my side and I’m gonna use it


Z is for zzzzzz….because you said so xxx


One thought on “Hey Bee See The Effed Gee (the toddler’s alphabet)

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