I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Ever since I can remember I wanted to have children that I could love and cuddle and kiss and play with. I dreamt of dressing them up, taking them to school, watching them at sports day and cheering them on in school plays.
I longed for the days where I could watch my little girl at a ballet recital or tapping her way through a dance exam. I would drop my little boy off at cubs and like my mom, I would be Baloo the bear. I would work in the tuck shop and attend parents evening.
And like my mother I too would say and do mom ‘things’.
(***Disclaimer: some of these things were said in the 70’s and 80’s so they might not be politically correct in this day and age)
“just wait til your father gets home!”
“carry on crying and I’ll give you something to cry about”
“if the wind changes direction your face will stay like that”
“if your eyes roll back any further they’ll get stuck at the back of your head!”
“clean behind your ears. There’s cauliflowers growing back there!”
“stop digging for diamonds”
“I don’t want to see any food left on your plate. There’s children starving in Africa”
“you are not going out dressed like THAT!”
“stop it! Otherwise I’m turning this car back now!”
“back so soon? I thought you were running away”
“I’ll knock you into next week!” (* that’s one of those non PC ones)
“those things on the side of your head are not for decoration you know!”
“stop screaming like a foghorn!”
“if you can’t find a job one day you can always work on a ship as a foghorn!”
“I’ll put soap in your mouth you say that again!”
“your hair looks so nice in a brush cut” (!?!)
“get off the phone now! Otherwise we’ll have to surgically remove it from your head”
“stop being a smart ass! Nobody likes a smart ass”
“oh look there’s something on your cheek” (wiping it away with her spit)
“let’s fix your hair” (spitting on it)
“yes you are adopted!”
“yes you are the postman’s child!”
“if only you were adopted”
“snot is not a vegetable”
“shut the door! Were you born in a barn”
“you’ll wear that when pigs can fly”
What did your mom say that still makes you smile?