Life is definitely like a box of chocolates. It’s also a testicle mistaken for a poo and a fountain of pee in the face.
I’ve done it already. Smelt an awful pong, peeked inside Ben’s nappy and thought “Holy mother of bowel movements! That’s an enormous poo!” only to discover that it’s in fact my son’s testes. And there’s there’s been times where I’ve thought it’s only his testes and a fart and I’ve stuck my hand in his nappy, as if it were a box of chocolates, to find out rather quickly that it is a rather squishy poo!
Mistaking a testicle for a poo is an easy one to make, by us girls anyway. Recently I was changing Ben’s nappy, taking special care to NOT get peed on, as one does with boys. Emma was sitting next to me and when she saw the contents of the nappy she exclaimed that Ben had made a big poo. “It’s not a poo. It’s his testicles” I explained, using the anatomically correct term. “Bwahahahahahahaaaa” roared dad from the other couch. “It’s not a turd, it’s his nuts!” “It’s not a turd, it’s his nuts!” repeated Emma and managed to turn the phrase into a song.
Emma peeked a little closer. “Oh crap!” I thought “She’s gonna get it in the eye”. She sat mesmerised for quite some time, just staring at what she doesn’t have. I was waiting for a whiny wail of “I want one of those!” *tug tug tug* . It didn’t happen.
I wet wiped, creamed and then got nappy ready. Emma had lost a slight bit of interest but kept looking over at his you-know-what every now and then. I lifted his little legs to place the nappy under his butt (not the anatomically correct word) and as I did this Emma took one last look.
One last look she now wishes she hadn’t taken. With his little wiener slightly askew, Ben weed directly into Emma’s face! She howled with disgust, we howled with laughter and Ben howled because of all the noise.
And the lesson I have learnt is that life is indeed like a box of chocolates, a testicle mistaken for a poo and a fountain of pee in the face. All we can do is expect the unexpected.