Oh, I get by with a little help from my meds,
Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my meds
Ooh, I get high with a little help from my meds
Yes I get by with a little help from my meds,
with a little help from my meds
It’s no secret that I am on medication to make my days a little brighter and my mood a little lighter. I don’t know if it’s genetic because it’s not really polite dinner conversation. It could also be from my childhood that the PTSD kicked the depression into gear, leaving me an inconsolable-unable-to-function-without-medication-wreck.

I understand the ‘stigma’ attached to been on medication like this. One of my ex-boyfriend’s made it perfectly clear that I was to NEVER EVER tell his family that I was anti-depressants. His was a happy family, one of those where you wake up to the ‘hills are alive with the sound of music’. Mine was more of a ‘the hills have eyes’ kind of experience. So for them depression and anything along those lines was simply a sign of weakness. ‘Snap out of it’, ‘what have you got to be depressed about?’ was the standard response to ‘down’ days. 
Believe me, I’ve tried to quit them, but I fall back into that deep dark hole within a day or two and everything seems so much worse, so much more difficult to get through. My ‘shrink’ would have a pulmonary, asking me if I’d ask a diabetic or epileptic to go off their medication. “Of course I wouldn’t” I’d say “That would be silly and cruel!” And he replies EVERY SINGLE TIME with “Then why don’t you think you deserve to be on medicine that’s going to make you feel more alive, less dead?”

Anyone who suffers from depression, be it hereditary, be it because of an incident in your life or be it post-baby blues, will know it’s a double edged sword. You’re so tired all you want to do is sleep. But insomnia sets in and there goes that idea. You’re moody, you’re irritable. Your partner tip-toes around you in case he gets the sharp end of the sword. You burst into tears at the slightest thing and rant and rave at anyone who cares to listen…

Of course it’s important to get the balance right. You don’t want to be a ‘mombie’ or ‘the working dead’. You still want to be able to laugh and cry, just at the right times. This means regular visits to your GP or shrink.  And I’ve got another visit coming up soon cos I’m not very pleasant right now!

Just this morning I lost it with Ester, Emma’s nanny. Emma’s had a bit of a cough the last few days. We’ve got it under control. We nebulize, we put drops in her nose, we monitor and watch. So this morning Ester asked me if Emma was going to go to holiday club. I said yes, she’ll be going but if she’s not feeling well then the teacher can call us and we’ll fetch her. Ester politely TOLD ME that she wasn’t going to be taking Emma to school. Emma’s not well and she must stay home…

Now I’m sure most of you would normally react to this in your own way. But what I would normally do is this:
In the kitchen – Okay Estie. She can stay with you today
In the car on the way to work – Who the f*** does she think she is? That’s my f***** daughter, not hers………

You see, sweet and kind to everyone else. Devilish to myself!

But today I calmly, almost too calmly said, “Ester, Emma is our child (Mark happened to be standing in the kitchen) and she will be going to school today. When she’s finished her breakfast and she’s dressed you will take her to school…I will ask ***** to call us should Emma not feel well.”

I know I’m beyond irritated at the moment. I know that I need to up something and maybe add in something else because I’m not myself at the moment. I’m usually generally quite happy-go-lucky. I go with the flow and not much bothers me, outwardly. I’m anything but that at the moment. I’m more happy-go-f***-yourself.

In the last few weeks I have had three or four mommy friends go onto an anti-depressant. I think it’s been difficult for them to admit they needed ‘the help’ and one even suggested that she feels guilty because the tablet is being a mother to her children. The reality is, children are stressful. Not sleeping is stressful. The fact that you’re brave enough to ask for help means you’re been a good mom…and the tablets are simply helping you maintain that.

Society places its own pressures on women to achieve, mother, wife and a whole lot more AND then we as (un)fair sex place ADDITIONAL pressure on ourselves. We think we need to be able to run households, run departments, run companies and be perfect mothers, wives, friends, employees, employers, etc.

My advice is that if that little tablet can help you be a better mom to your little ones then do it. If it’s going to blur the edges for a little while, then do it. If you feel like you need them, then do it. If it’s going to stop you snapping at everyone like a hungry crocodile, then do it..

I get by with a little help from my meds all the time


6 thoughts on “I Get By With a Little Help From My Meds…

  1. One day in and I'm already feeling more in control. More chilled. Yes, I know that the meds take some time to “kick in” but just KNOWING that I'm helping myself by medicating, makes me feel more at ease. Thanks for this 🙂 x

  2. First time commenting – I could NEVER go off my meds and I never plan to do that EVER. They have made me a better version of the fabulousness that I already am. I like myself AND other people so much more while I am on them and you are right, getting help is a sign of strength. Not weakness.

  3. I WAS a naturally happy sunny person. It took me a VERY long time to admit that I needed meds and even then I only took them for a few months to beat the baby blues. So it took even longer to admit that the problem was ongoing / long lasting and that I needed to go back on the meds. Even now I am still resisting and only taking the mildest form I can get away with.

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