We always have a little giggle at the funny things our offspring say. But have you ever thought to record a conversation you’re having with your little one? We come up with some pretty pearlers ourselves…

Like the time Emma was in hospital and a visitor was trying to find our ward. She was just about to ask the sister on duty where we were when she heard me saying “Emma, you can’t stick the cow up my nose!” Mom’s come up with a lot of mommyisms, no doubt picked up from our mothers, which we all swore we’d never say, like “how do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tried it”, “tomato sauce is not a vegetable”, “don’t run with a lollipop in your mouth”, “don’t run in the house”, “don’t hit the dog”. “don’t kick the dog” and so the list goes on. Sometimes we find ourselves uttering utterances with words that should never be uttered together in one sentence, like “dog, bum, finger, smell”. Yes, it has happened at our house before and I have heard myself saying to Emma “you can’t stick your finger in the dog’s bum and make me smell it!”

I came across this website today and actually found myself laughing out loud. It cheered up a rather miserable day for me. Hope you giggle at a few of them too. Feel free to share any of the things you’ve maybe said that have left you speechless

On table manners – we all find ourselves saying things at dinner time, like ‘chew with your mouth closed’ or ‘your spoon isn’t a drum stick’ or the age-old ‘put your arms in, you’re not a bird’ but in other homes around the world, moms are saying things like:
“Take your finger out of your butt and eat”
“Don’t take your penis out at the dinner table”
“Get your feet out of the Jell-O!”

On licking – often we’ll tell our little ones to lick their ice-cream before it melts, what we never thought we’d hear ourselves saying is:
“Stop licking the walls”
“Please stop licking my tattoo, it doesn’t wipe off”
“Let’s not kiss the garbage can, okay?”

On dogs – man is dog’s best friend and most kiddies love their pets. If you were a fly on our wall you’d hear me telling Emma to stop pulling the dog’s tail  or to get out of the dog bed. What you might hear at other people’s homes include:
“I told you before I don’t like it when you out deodorant on the dog”
“Please don’t use mommy’s hairbrush on the dog”

On licking and dogs –
“You know you aren’t allowed to lick the dog’s ear. Seriously, stop licking the dog’s ear…Uh huh, yes, I know she licks your ear. No…you still can’t lick her ear.”

On poops (and pees) – As a mom there will always come a time when you introduce your toddler to their new companion, the potty. But as much as you hope that your conversation will end with “now you can poo and pee in here” some moms find themselves saying things like:
“Oh thank God, it’s chocolate and not poop”
“Please tell me that’s dirt on your face”
“Your dirty diaper is not a baby, stop cuddling it”
“We don’t drink toilet water!”

SAY WHAT?! Some things defy categorization. The less said about some things the better:
“It’s pronounced ‘orange’ not orgy”
“Fine! That’s fine! Ride your bike naked but don’t cry to me when your little peanut gets hurt”
“How the hell did toothpaste get up THERE?”

Mark and I have a few gems of our own
“Please stop tugging on my willy. It’s not a pull-toy” – Mark to Emma
“My nipple is actually attached to my skin! Stop pulling it!” – Me to Emma
“Is that water or wee you’re licking off the floor?” – Both Mark and I to Emma
“Your water’s in your bottle. Do you have to drink out of the dog bowl?”
“That’s not the dog’s tummy you’re tickling at the moment Emma…yes it is a boy dog. Yes it is a willy. No it’s not a pull toy!”
“I saw you made a poo in the toilet. I don’t need to touch it!”
“It’s not your nappy, it’s my nappy” (when Emma spotted a sanitary towel and asked why I’m allowed to wear nappies, when she can’t) also has a few utterances from moms mouths, which had me LOL:

“Please take the bouncy ball out of your underwear”

“Tampons are not toys”


One thought on “Out of the mouths of moms…

  1. Thanks for the wonderful laughs today! It surely made my day.

    On the dog subject – you will often hear in our house (to Little man L – he has SID and is a sensory seeker) Stop licking/biting the dog's hair! I know – I find it totally disgusting but somehow he needs to do it. thank goodness said dog is a Labrador that will just allow it.

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