I always thought I’d be hip and happening. I mean I’ve hung out with musicians and celebs most of my working life. I’ve worked at MTV where the peeps used words like ‘macking’ and ‘411’. Hell, I’ might have even used them myself (and yes, in the right context!). But just like technology, I’m battling to keep up with the slang the youth of today use.

Emma has made me aware of my mortality and having 20 and 21 year old friends is a constant reminder that death might be nipping at my heels. Like when I was invited to a 21st just a year ago. I even had to ask what people do at 21st’s nowadays. The inviter sweetly suggested that I attend the afternoon function, which included aunties, uncles, grannies and all the other old people. Epic Fail!

Nowadays it’s almost as if teens are speaking a foreign language. And I have no idea what it is. Facebook is a Proper Noun, a common noun and a verb, as in “I’m busy facebooking”. Twitter, once an onomatopoeia, is now a social network site, and tweeters tweet and retweet. We ‘sms’, we ‘sext’, we ‘bbm’, we ‘app’ and we ‘what’s app’. We follow, unfollow, poke, friend and unfriend all with the click of a button and we’re warned not to text and drive or text while drunk.

Youngsters ask friends what’s the 411, they talk about the ‘ish’ and when in the wrong they exclaim ‘my bad’.  Yes, fellow older people, I can’t keep up with slanguage that’s been spoken at the moment, and this doesn’t even cover the minefield that is ‘chatspeak’.

Only recently did I figure out what FML is, and that’s only because I ‘tweetdropped’ on someone else’s TL (still with me, I hope). I still haven’t figured out SMH, let alone things like:
K, KK, KAY, MMKAY, which means OKAY…surely it’s quicker to type OK or even Okay?
NIFOC – Naked In Front Of Computer…I mean, firstly why would you be naked in front of your computer and secondly, why would you tell someone you’re naked in front of your computer?
TDTM – Talk Dirty To Me…once again, do people actually say this?
BFO – Blinding Flash of Obvious…with our illiterate teens out there I’m wondering if they know what big words like ‘blinding’ and ‘obvious’ mean
PRON – is PORN…no doubt a typo that just happened to catch on
TBYB – Try Before You Buy…which means sex before a relationship. Not sex before marriage, which some people still frown upon, but instead before I ask you on a date I want to see how you perform in the bedroom, or car, or public toilet….

So while I still try and get my head around ‘chatspeak’ here’s some other slang words / phrases you might overhear while waiting in line at the movies or at MacDonald’s:
Backup – a close friend who you’d be willing to marry, at a certain age or date, if things don’t work out with someone else

Banger – something / someone that is impressive

Bizatch (biatch) – referring to a friend (usually female or gay) in a friendly way

Boo That! – a bad idea, not my idea (just trying to imagine the response I’d get in a board meeting when I shout out “boo that!” to someones suggestion)

Crunk (a mixture of crazy and drunk) – get / are hyped up or inebriated

Giggin’ – an all purpose verb…everything and anything from I’m giggin’ (driving, dancing, thinking, yawning)…and then we wonder why no one understands what anyone’s doing

Hit me on the hip – means call me on my cell

Poppins’ – perfect in every way, like Mary poppins

Salad dodger – an overweight person

Safety Net – a single layer of toilet paper placed on the surface of the toilet water to prevent splashback (I’m still getting my head around splashback)

Umfriend – One with whom one has a sexual relationship, introduced as “This is XXX, my, um….um, friend”

R Kellying – trying to date under aged girls

And the list goes on and on…never mind learning an indigenous language to keep up with Emma, I’m going to have to take a course in cyber-slang


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