You’re no longer a member of the mile-high club. Instead you belong to monkeynastics and moms and tots

The address book on your phone no longer has the phone numbers for the hottest hang-out spots, fine dining places or booty calls. It’s now filled with contact details for monkeynastics, moms and tots, Occupational Therapists, Pediatricians and Poison Hot Lines

 Your designer handbag that once carried Dior’s latest colour lipsticks, Gucci sunglasses and expensive perfumes now holds dummies, wet wipes, baby panado and suppositories

The PVR is no longer used to record The Big C, Californication and your favourite reality shows. It’s now at its maximum capacity with Dora The Explorer, Humf, Charlie and Lola, Go Diego Go and The Green Balloon Club

The aforementioned designer sunglasses which once took pride of place on your face now damages your eyesight because they’re covered in peanut butter, jam and bovril

You wake up every morning with an aching body because you’ve spent the night hanging onto the bed by a bum cheek and a pubic hair

Your mole-skin diary, once used to look official in meetings now has drawings of ‘jumping castles’, ‘flowers’ and God only knows what else

Holiday spots, once chosen because of their remoteness and romantic sunsets are replaced by child-friendly, easy to access places that have 24 hour child-minding services

The fridge, once a place that proudly showed snapshots of the above mentioned exotic destinations is now home to ‘art’, ‘brilliant’ report cards and to-do lists

Sex, once a fun recreational thing to do, now sits at No.12 on the to-do list on the fridge, in between having a pap smear, washing hair and shaving legs

You and your partner try not to fight. Not because you don’t want your children to see conflict but because you there isn’t any time for make-up sex…that’s further down the to-do list

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One thought on “Tell-tale signs you’re a mom…

  1. Hi MelindaFound your blog via Nikki at waiting for Luca, and I am so glad I did. I had a good chuckle at "a bum cheek and a pubic hair!! HA! That's pretty much how it is for me…

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