When you’re pregnant people give you all sorts of advice about what you’re in for. You hear about water breaking and dilating. The words ‘vagina’, ‘pushing’ and ‘watermelon’ are often used in one sentence. As a couple adopting we never got a chance to hear the horror stories. Though we were told in earnest to find out whether the birth mother was a tik addict or a sociopath. We were warned about wayward teenagers that steal and lie [all adopted of course] and the damage we’re doing adopting across racial lines. No-one told me about all the other things, the good and the bad, the highs and the lows of what being a mom is all about, so I’ve taken it upon myself to compile a list…so here goes

As a mom:
I can’t remember the last time I got a full night’s sleep
My clothes are never ever clean anymore
I have snot on my shoulders and on my sleeves
Bath time for was once a necessity, it’s now a luxury
Make-up takes a total of five minutes maximum
I trip over a toy at least once a day
I have become less OCD-ish
I sing songs out loud
I find myself taking orders from a 12 kg midget with limited vocabulary
I invariably sit on something that squeaks, squawks or talks
I know more nursery rhymes now than I did in my youth
I jump in puddles and don’t worry about the mess
I find myself lying on the grass with aforementioned bossy midget looking at the clouds
I walk barefoot in the mud just so it can squidge between my toes
I find myself making up words like ‘squidge’
I have more toys in my bath than i had in my toy box
I cherish the things I took for granted, like lie-ins, reading a book or finishing an entire meal
I know all the songs to all Emma’s favourite TV shows
I find myself price-checking nappies, milk and wet wipes
I laugh out loud at all the Emmaisms
I can sit with Emma in my arms for hours, smelling her hair, tickling her toes or just listening to her breathe
I have never been so aware and afraid of the hidden dangers in everyday items
I hope that I’m doing a good job raising Emma
The smell of poo no longer makes me gag
I find myself buying clothes in every shade of pink imaginable
I watch my p’s and q’s
I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore
I find myself looking for fairies in the garden in places where fairies would hide
I use winnie the pooh and hello kitty plasters
I have discovered that my kisses have magical powers – they make a sore knee better, they can take a headache away and they can heal a sore little heart
I find myself looking at other children and thinking to myself “Emma’s much funnier, smarter, more developed, cuter than that”
I hope and pray that my good is good enough to inspire, enrich and empower Emma to be the very best she can be

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